Britney Spears Balloons to Gargantuanly Normal Size!

Everytime I look at this picture of Britney Spears I...

Hang on.

Ugh, I threw up again. By now I've thrown up all of the food and bile in my stomach, so my body is looking for other things to throw up. I just threw up part of my liver I think. And it's all because of this disgusting photo of Britney Spears. Honestly, she looks like a whale. And not just a normal whale, but some freak-of-nature whale that somehow resembles a 130-pound human woman. How can there be a God when such abominations are allowed to occur?

It's moments like this when I long for the classic beauty of yesteryear's pop-starlets. Those broads knew about poise, grace and weight-control. You know, like Karen Carpenter. Now there was a looker. I don't know whatever happened to her, but she really oughta come out of retirement and teach the lady celebs of 2006 a thing or two.