God Hates Humans

In an act of pure spite this weekend, the Lord Almighty chose to take beloved actors Don Knotts and Darren McGavin, instead of ending the lives of Star Jones, Pat Robertson, Osama bin Laden, Fred Durst, Anna Nicole Smith, Jean Claude Van Damme, Bill Frist, George Lucas, Celine Dion, Bill O'Reilly, Mariah Carey or Ann Coulter.

Rumor has it, the omnipotent creator has plans next weekend to kill Bill Murray, Scarlett Johansson and seventeen puppies, while sparing O.J. Simpson and Paris Hilton.