Glitter 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold

In the wake of her eating a water-buffalo comeback on the popcharts, Mariah Carey is going to be making another movie. Normally this is the kind of news that would incite snickers and unbridled tommyrot, but Paris Hilton his playing Mother Teresa, so fuck it. Go ahead and make another movie, Mariah. Make a dozen. Hell, write, direct and star in a five-hour biopic about Eleanor Roosevelt. And make in in 3-D... with all of the dialogue in Esperanto, Pig-Latin and Klingon... and cast Emmanuel Lewis as Werewolf-Jesus... and create a character called Werewolf-Jesus who has a sordid affair with Robot-Hitler... and create a character called Robot-Hitler. Knock yourself out, Mariah.